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Posts Tagged ‘love’

When I look into your eyes

I see myself, reflecting back

Not only because they are the same hue

of darkest brown

But because their glistening fervour

matches my own

And in those eyes

not only do I see my face

weighed down by the days that I missed

the school plays I couldn’t go to

the Halloweens I didn’t see

your first day of school.

I see your heart breaking

Your aches that you are too young

to know what they mean

and so

You smile

Front two spaces of teeth

empty

Because the teeth tottered out of your mouth

when I wasn’t looking

And your unspoken anger

I feel when you latch on to me

before I step on to a bus

Your slow-building anger

I feel thicken your voice

when I can’t reach the phone

Your burning, bleeding resentment

That you only show

when you tell me I miss you

Make me wonder

if dreams are worth it

If mine meant that I had to leave you behind.

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Ch. 1

Once an unmitigated member of the heavenly skies, I am now bound to the Earth as if my wings are anchored to the molten rivers of the Earth’s core.

There is but one other who has fallen as low as I, but his name must not be spoken.

This all began when I fell to the ground in quiet solitude, flung from the clouds of Paradise into the dark back alley of a Toronto based Burger King. I lay covered in rain and dirt, and closed my eyes against the tsunami of despair filling my lungs. The blackness beneath my lids gave me hope that this might all be a nightmare, that I would open my eyes to the vast warmth of God’s abode.

God turned out to be a shrivelled up homeless cat sitting on my chest, attempting to chew my grime covered wings. I threw the cat off of my body with a shriek and pushed myself against the wall.

The rain pelted against the dumpster beside me as I looked up into the ever-pour. Blackness engulfed the skies as coarse thunder filled my keen ears. The zigzag of the downtown traffic filled my peripherals.

I looked down at my hands. Pale, translucent hands. Made for the clear skies, but shrivelling in the rain.

I sat in silence for a few moments, contemplating my next move. I decided to first get out of the rain. I pushed myself up onto my feet and walked out into the street. The passers-by all gawked and stared, craning their heads to get a glimpse of me.

It was then that I realized how cold, and exposed, my breasts were. He could’ve at least given me clothes before hurling me into the depths of the Fallen world.

I sighed and pushed my way through the crowd, as people shrieked at my wings or shouted at me to take off my stupid costume and find some real clothes. I shoved my way into the Burger King, dripping wet, butt naked, with a set of wings tucked against my back. They were now only visible from behind.

The folks at Burger King stopped eating to stare at me. I rolled my eyes and walked up to the counter.

“I need some clothes, please,” I said, staring into the eyes of this freckled faced elf boy who was trying his best to look me in the eyes.

“I- I’m sorry, miss, but we sell food here, not clothes,” he stuttered.

“Excuse me!” shouted a stout man as he stalked up to me with eyes pulled into slits. “If you do not leave this establishment right now, I will call the police!”

“Just try it and see, you lump,” I spat.

“Hey, hey, here, I’ve got a jacket you can borrow,” said another man, walking up behind me and handing me a jacket.

“Thank you,” I smiled, pulling it on. It fell to my knees, covering up almost everything, and had soft fur lining the hood and insides.

“I’ll help you outside,” said the boy, gesturing towards the door.

I gave the stout man another glare before following the boy out into the rain.

“Sorry, I didn’t want things to get ugly in there,” the man said, rubbing his thumb to his scruffy chin.

“That’s alright, thank you for the jacket,” I said, pulling it tighter around me.

“Yeah, about that, are you… alright? Can I help you get somewhere, or find someone?” His eyes flashed with curiosity.

I sighed. “No, I just need to find a place that will give me clothes.”

“Here, there’s a salvation army right down the street who can probably help you out, let me take you, it’ll be on me,” he guided me down the busy sidewalk into a small store lit by soft yellow lights and cluttered with boxes of clothing.

The man walked up to the counter and handed the woman behind the counter a bill. He walked back to me with a small smile.

“You can go ahead and pick out an outfit for yourself,” he said, rubbing his face again. “Including a jacket… since I’ll be needing mine back, unfortunately.”

“Alright,” I said, pulling out a sheer blouse from a basket and holding it against the light for inspection. “These aren’t very good quality,” I mumbled.

“Yes, well,” he shrugged.

“It’ll do,” I huffed, pulling an outfit together and handing the man his jacket back. I began to pull on my new clothes in the middle of the store, much to everyone’s shock and dismay. I looked down at my new tank top, jeans and button-down lumberjack shirt. The man handed me a bright red jacket from a hanger in the corner.

It had no fur.

“Well,” he said, pulling on his jacket, “I hope you find your way okay, but I’ll have to be going. Also, you have wings taped to your back, just so you know…”

As he ran his hand through his copper hair, I suddenly remembered who this man was.

“Alastair!” I shouted, pointing at him. “Oh wow, you’ve grown up!”

He looked incredulously at me. “I- I’m sorry? How do you know my name?”

“How’s Shima?” I asked excitedly.

His face coloured with bewilderment.

“Are you two married yet?”

He blinked rapidly and took a step back. “Um, actually, she dumped me a couple of weeks ago, but… who are you?”

My face dropped as confusion and agony filled my insides, and my world began to flood with the ice-cold despair I had been holding back inside my lungs.

~~Ch. 2 to come

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You and I

I wish these weren’t memories

I wish that these were real

Why are all these aching things

The only things I feel

 

I know that you’re a breath away

A heart beat’s reach from me

But it seems that lately you and I

Are as far as we can be

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To see me

To see you so broken
Flesh hanging loose
A shell of a human
beneath the rope noose

To see you so filthy
Dirt caking on
your baby pink skin
Your innocence gone

To see you so heartless
Your eyes cold as Jade
To see me and not know
the mess that you’ve made

To see me so withered
So desperately sad
And not be here with me
holding my hand

You are a monster
A cold-blooded ghost
If only you weren’t
whom I treasured most

~~

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A Cyclops
I view you through my monocle
I see you
My mind is dead and body’s cold
I feel you
My ice cold fingers reaching far
I need you
No matter who the fuck you are

This desert
Drenched with shit and bloodied sweat
Is aching
It trembles with my dying breath
and I know
No matter where I’m standing now
There’s no hope
I’ll never find you in this crowd

And I’m here
I’ve never left this blackened hole
I’m charred
I see the faint wisps of my soul
I hear it
The beating wings of desert air
The deadness
Disembodied, cold despair

~~

Dear everyone,

I don’t think I’ve ever written a poem in this format before. It’s something different, and I think I really like it. I think that it’s still a bit rough, but it’s good enough for now. You have to read it out loud for full effect.

~Pancakebliss

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There was a whisper

There was a whisper

In the cold winter air

The words of my saviour

Just hanging there

and I took to wonderin’

Why I walked away

into the darkness

Why I didn’t stay

His voice was like honey

Warm, thick and sweet

The teardrops of angels

Fell by his feet

and he was a vision

within the dark snow

I watched him awaken

and then I let go

~~

Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I’m unfortunately a busy child. I just want all of my followers to know how much I appreciate that you still visit my blog, and how much I love that there are people out there who love my writing as much as I do.

Thank you so much. There are many things that words can do, but expressing my gratitude for the blogging world is one thing they can’t.

~Pancakebliss

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You’re like a slivered feather
refined and poised
Floating through the night wind
Knowing your purpose, sure of yourself
You’re strong, proud, the picture of a man
But I digress
because
you’re a wreck, a mess
a mess of a man
you don’t know north from east, or south from west
you only know the direction of down

~~

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