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Posts Tagged ‘abandonment’

When I look into your eyes

I see myself, reflecting back

Not only because they are the same hue

of darkest brown

But because their glistening fervour

matches my own

And in those eyes

not only do I see my face

weighed down by the days that I missed

the school plays I couldn’t go to

the Halloweens I didn’t see

your first day of school.

I see your heart breaking

Your aches that you are too young

to know what they mean

and so

You smile

Front two spaces of teeth

empty

Because the teeth tottered out of your mouth

when I wasn’t looking

And your unspoken anger

I feel when you latch on to me

before I step on to a bus

Your slow-building anger

I feel thicken your voice

when I can’t reach the phone

Your burning, bleeding resentment

That you only show

when you tell me I miss you

Make me wonder

if dreams are worth it

If mine meant that I had to leave you behind.

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So this isn’t one of the best poems I’ve ever written, but I’ve been lacking in creativity lately. Here it is;

I stand quiet on your porch
And fight away my fears
I gently press against the bell
Holding back my tears

I see your staring, ice blue eyes
Shooting through the glass
I see you turn and disappear
Just like in the past

The snow falls fast, cuts through the wind
Sprinkles in my hair
I hear your steps behind the door
Which through it we both stare

You turn the knob and time speeds up
And then I see your face
I let the night take me away
Leaving not a trace

~~

I’ve been really scattered lately, my emotions a level of neutral so close to zero that it doesn’t even register.

You know what’s funny? I would rather be depressed than ever feel like this. I feel like a zombie, just sort of going through the motions. I don’t know if it’s me or university that’s been turning me into a zombie.

I just want to get angry, but I don’t have the energy.

So my point is, without extreme emotions, my creative juices don’t really flow and I produce half-ass crap such as the ‘poem’ above. Also all of my poems are beginning to sound the same.

I need a new style of writing, and some renewed inspiration.

Someone help me.

-Pancakebliss

P.S. – Also, I’ve begun to hate school. Like, really really hate it. I feel like it’s what’s been sucking out my creativity.

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