Archive for February, 2015

When I look into your eyes

I see myself, reflecting back

Not only because they are the same hue

of darkest brown

But because their glistening fervour

matches my own

And in those eyes

not only do I see my face

weighed down by the days that I missed

the school plays I couldn’t go to

the Halloweens I didn’t see

your first day of school.

I see your heart breaking

Your aches that you are too young

to know what they mean

and so

You smile

Front two spaces of teeth


Because the teeth tottered out of your mouth

when I wasn’t looking

And your unspoken anger

I feel when you latch on to me

before I step on to a bus

Your slow-building anger

I feel thicken your voice

when I can’t reach the phone

Your burning, bleeding resentment

That you only show

when you tell me I miss you

Make me wonder

if dreams are worth it

If mine meant that I had to leave you behind.


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7:00 pm

The mascara wand runs over my lashes, bending them upwards, giving me the look of a doe-eyed rabbit. I grab my crimson lip-stain, roll it over my lips, smile in the mirror. The corners of my lips don’t pull as far upwards as they used to.

My roommates chatter loudly in the hallway outside my room, calling to me to come and join them.

7:00 pm

The television thunders and roars as Crosby shoots another goal. I crack open my first beer of the night, cheering with the crowd inside the screen. My roommate is curled up with his girlfriend on the other couch. I touch the cold space next to me, taking another swig of my beer.

9:00 pm

My roommates and I dance and bounce to this week’s top 40, the house shaking with our drunken excitement. Glenda pulls me into the bathroom, our arms tangled together in ecstasy.

“Make sure I don’t text him tonight,” she says, handing me her phone. “You gotta make sure!”

I look through her phone, finding her conversations with him. “He’s asking what you’re doing tonight,” I slur, the letters fading in and out of my misty vision.

“No!” she screams, grabbing her phone back as she sits down on the toilet. “Don’t tell him. I don’t want him to come over!” she says.

“God, Glenda, why do we have to pee together,” I leave the bathroom in disgust, pulling my own phone out of my pocket. No new messages.

9:00 pm

The scent of beer hangs like a viscous cloud over the room. The game is almost over and four more friends have joined us for the night out. We cheers to a winning game, grab our coats, and head out for the night’s hunt.

11:00 pm

We finally stumble into the bar, find an open booth, and slide in. Misty eyes of hungry boys graze over our bodies.

My eyes lock with one pair in particular. He smiles coyly, showing a bit of teeth, but not enough to indicate enthusiasm.

I adjust my hair and flutter my eyes in his direction, smiling back.

11:00 pm

            The belle of the ball has just stumbled in, like a straggling deer. Not quite as pretty as her friends, her clothes fit a little too tightly, and she gawks around the room in subtle desperation.

I bare my teeth just a little, careful not to give too much away. She takes the bait.

11:10 pm

Oh man, he’s getting up from his table! He’s walking over here! Play it cool, play it cool, fix my hair, play it cool, pretend not to notice…

11:10 pm

            She nervously twitches and plays with her hair as I walk over to her.

“Hey there,” I smile, pointing at the seat next to her. “Mind if I join?”

“Go ahead!” she smiles a little too widely, shifting over, squishing her friends into the wall as a result. They all snarl and roll their eyes.


11:10 pm

            He asks if he can sit down. I pretend not to care, shrugging my shoulders and moving over a bit.

I can feel my friends gawking at us, analyzing our entire interaction.

“So where ya from, cutie?” he asks, leaning in closer.

1:30 am

We awkwardly stumble our way into my bedroom. I’ve got his warm hands in mine, and he wraps them around my waist as soon as we shut my bedroom room.

His fingers are a bit too tight around my waist, as if he’s afraid I’m going to slip out of them.

His warm lips hungrily pull at mine.

1:30 am

She wastes no time in taking me to her bedroom and promptly shutting the door. I quickly wrap my hands around her. I can feel her twisting slightly, so I pull her closer.

I bend down to kiss her, devouring her slowly.

8:00 am

I can hear her snoring peacefully as my eyes flutter open. Her room is a tornado of clothes, hers and mine mixed together.

I can feel her warmth beside me, and I smile. I slowly get up from the bed, throw on my clothes, and gently shut the door behind me.

I let the sunshine wash over my face as I step outside, breathing in the shimmering rays.

8:00 am

I try not to breathe too loudly as I hear him stir beside me. I fake a soft snore, nestling my face further into my pillow. Bruises from the night throb on my breasts and back. He gets up swiftly, puts on his clothes, and leaves the house without so much as a glance behind him.

The sunlight slants in through the blinds of my window. I shrink away from them, checking my phone again. No new messages.

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