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Archive for May, 2010

               My eyes are wide open,

I can’t fall asleep.

I just see the shadows,

creeping up on me.

               They engulf me in their darkness,

they take away my breath;

they leave me so frightened,

they fill me with unrest.

             I can’t seem to process,

what I’m supposed to do now.

Do I just close my eyes?

Do I scream, do I shout?

            I try to see more clearly,

through all of these clouds.

But I keep tossing and turning,

I just cannot get out.

This is just me every night. I’m always uneasy, always restless. There’s something bothering me but I just can’t pinpoint what it is. I have trouble sleeping sometimes because I’m always thinking about everything.

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              So diligent, so intricate,

you work with such ease.

Your talents go unchallenged,

you move like the breeze.

               No one sees you coming,

and no one will dare.

When they think you are gone,

you give them a scare.

               Your knife moves so swiftly,

your knife is a force.

You finish the job,

with no remorse.

             Your targets are baffled,

when they see you approach.

They don’t have time to hitch air

to scream, they just choke.

               You wipe the blood away,

after a job well done.

You retreat soundlessly,

after you’ve finished the hunt.

This poem is sort of strange. I don’t really know what to make of it, it just reminds me of a hitman or a sniper or something. About the name…I kind of just made it up on the fly. I’m really bad with names, in case you couldn’t tell.

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Rising from the ashes,

it unfurls its wings.

So light and iridescent,

it is everything.

Your hope in the darkness,

the shining knight of truth;

but we all pushed it over,

made it a catastrophic sleuth.

Its eyes are black as night now,

it gives no one any hope.

We’ve made it into something,

for which no one can cope.

No one ever foresaw,

that our ray of light, our hero,

would turn itself over,

and become our fatal foe.

Wow it’s been a while. I haven’t really posted a lot this month, and I apologize for that. You can see that in April I posted something almost everyday but this month…I don’t know, I guess I’ve been kinda busy. What with final exams coming up and all my projects being due and all my TV shows premiering their season finales (SMALLVILLE WAS AMAZING, also Grey’s Anatomy and Vampire Diaries) I’ve been pretty tied up. But I know that that’s really no excuse. I’ll try to post something everyday or every other day at least, even if I’m busy. I’ve got a stack of poems lying on my bedroom floor, just collecting dust and never being seen by anyone’s eyes other than mine. I swear my poems cry at night because no one other than me ever reads them, that’s why I like posting poems on this blog. But I have so much that I’ve written and I have to sort through them all and dig out the good ones to post on here. Anyways, happy May everyone. It’s coming to an end and June is approaching quite fast. I hate summer, I swear I do. I love that there’s no school, however I hate the hot weather. I love winter. I love cold and wet and snow. *Sigh*. I’m stressing out. I have a stupid history unit test tomorrow (Greece and Rome) and I don’t know what to study. There’s so much! Anyways, I must go now…soo…byee.

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           Emerging from the shadows,

its skin is coal black.

Its eyes are ravenous,

relentless, are its attacks.

             A nightmare from a movie,

but you know that its real.

It haunts you, consumes you,

until numbness, is all you feel.

             Horrific, such terror,

that it unleashes on the world.

A creature, a demon,

that has been unfurled.

               …This poem is about a monster. There’s nothing metaphorical about this poem, at least not to me. It’s simply about a creature that comes out from nowhere and terrorizes everyone around it. It’s as simple as that. So I’ll dedicate this poem to Freddy Krueger and his new Nightmare on Elm Street movie. Go watch it! It’s amazing! Thanks for stoppin’ by.

PEACE OUUUT!

P.S. If you have any suggestions for a good title for this poem then please let me know!

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I was too much of a dreamer, my aunt had always told me. My head was always up in the clouds somewhere and I had better come down quickly if I were to amount to anything.

Her fist came down hard on the kitchen table one morning at breakfast. “That’s it, girl. Your mother didn’t leave this world for you so you could lie around all day and stay in your little fantasy dream bubble.” she spat at me as I shoved a forkful of pancake into my mouth. I stared raptly at my plate as she spoke. “She was stabbed to death in the middle of a forest, trying to protect you. Did you know that, girl? Huh? Did you?”

I clutched my fork tightly in my hand and did all I could not to stab her in the face with it. “Yes, I did.” I hissed quietly. “And my name is not girl, auntie. It’s Angel. My name is Angel.”

My aunt gasped. “How dare you take that tone with me, girl? How dare you?” she bellowed furiously in her husky voice. “I take you in, I give you food, I put clothes on your back, and you have the AUDACITY TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?” she leaned forward over the table and was right up in my face. I flinched back and looked away. “You look at me when I talk to you, girl! You look at me!” she grabbed my chin with her fat little fingers and squeezed it hard as she turned my head to face her. Breathing heavily, she slapped me across the face. The pain cut through me as sharp as a scalpel and knocked me off my chair.

I took my face in my hands and started to cry, still lying on the floor. I could hear her above me.

“And after school I want to hear that you’ve done something. Volunteer get a job join a club I don’t care, just do something with your miserable life.” she muttered as she retreated into the living room.

I lay there for a few more minutes, waiting to hear the door open with a groan then quietly click shut, indicating that she had left for work at the restaurant. She was a waitress.

I snorted as I thought, well, it’s not like she amounted to much, either. But if I ever said that out loud I’d be decapitated and left out in the sun to boil and fester. If I ever raised my voice at her she’d stab me in the face, leave me for dead, then make me clean up my own blood.

I slowly pushed myself off the floor and hopped up the stairs to my closet of a room. I packed my books into my tattered backpack and swung it over my shoulders. I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I was wearing a black dress, with a sweater overtop, and black and white stockings underneath. My long black wavy hair was a shock around my face because I looked paler than usual and had dark circles under my eyes.

I hadn’t slept very well the night before because my aunt had been telling me about how great my mother was and what a disappointment I turned out to be. I spent most of the night crying.

I stepped outside into the misty October morning and breathed in the scent of a cloudy day. The sky was an ominous gray and the wind felt pleasant as it blew on my face. I walked down the porch steps and up the sidewalk and away from the red brick house; with its chipped walls and the peeling paint, with the roof that was close to breaking in; and all its other splendours.

I stared up into the cloud covered sky and sighed; wishing life could just stay as peaceful as this moment all the time.

I rushed to my homeroom class because I was running late. The bell rang two seconds after I sat down in my seat and I breathed a sigh of relief. My homeroom teacher was a tyrant who was the male equivalent of my aunt. He also believed that I would amount to nothing.

“Alright class! Pop quiz on yesterday’s lesson.” he said, pulling a stack of papers out from inside his desk.

“What?” I whispered to myself. I let my head fall into my arms on my desk and let out a sigh. I didn’t understand a single thing we did yesterday, I thought.

It’s not as if I didn’t try. I always tried; always. But I was never good at anything. I just couldn’t wrap my head around anything.

He had our quizzes marked by the end of the class and he handed them back. I got 4 out of twenty.

He shook his head reprovingly as he handed me my quiz. “I’m going to have to call your aunt tonight, Angel. You have less than a sixty in this class right now, and half the semester has already gone.”

“But..but I can bring it up, I swear I can. I just have to get everything sorted out and I’ll be fine. You don’t need to bother my aunt with this, right, right?” I asked urgently.

He shook his head. “I think she should be aware of your current situation.” he said firmly and moved on to the next person.

I wanted to call him back. Wanted to tell him what an uproar this one little phone call would cause at my house. But I couldn’t. If I ever talked to him with even a little bit of defiance, he’d have me kicked out of this school.

I let my head fall into my arms again and groaned. I wanted to scream. I wanted to just scream my head off and not care about the repercussions of that liberating yet Earth-shattering scream. But I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t.

I got home around seven; I spent my afternoon in the library, trying to put off coming home to a fuming aunt. But my pockets were empty and my stomach was grumbling…so…I had no choice.

“ANGEEEEEEEEEEEEL!” she roared as the door shut behind me with an almost inaudible click.

I tentatively stepped into the living room. She was sitting in her torn up recliner, glaring at me, her face twisted with rage. “You want to explain to me why you’re failing English class?” she yelled in a tone so full of rage it struck fear somewhere deep inside me.

I took a trembling step back. “I’m not…I’m not failing.” I muttered, looking at my shoes.

“I can’t hear you girl, SPEAK UP!” she bellowed, pushing roughly off of her chair and standing in front of me with her hands curled into fists.

I stared at those fists with the same fear that my mother must’ve stared at her murderer’s knife with.

My terrified gaze slowly went to her face and I took another trembling step back. “I’m sorry,” I said, my words coming out in a sob. “I’ll do better. I swear I will. Just please, please listen, I will I swear.” I sniffled and started to cry.

“That’s all you’re good for, isn’t it? Crying? It’s the only thing you know how to do!” she spat in my face and pushed me.

I hit the wall with a thud and fell to the floor. I quickly scrambled to my feet and ran for the door. I yanked it open and ran out as fast as I could.

On my way out I tripped over the porch steps. I fell over the five large concrete steps and crashed onto the stone pathway. From there I tumbled into unconsciousness…

I opened my eyes to find that the sky was blocked out by trees. Lush green trees that went on and on as far as the eye can see. The sun behind those trees made the dark green of the leaves glow with a mellow phosphorescence that made me think of hot summer days laying under the sun with a cool refreshing glass of lemonade that had the power to make you feel like if the world ended just then, with you melting under the sun and drinking an ice cold glass of lemonade, that would just be okay.

“Hey sweetie. What’s your name?” someone asked me.

I blinked twice and pushed myself onto my elbows. I was lying in a clearing in the middle of a forest. The thing that talked seemed to be a flower. Standing up on its roots, it was a glistening red flower that was smiling pleasantly at me.

“Angel. My name is Angel.”

The flower laughed. “No it isn’t.” It said with another chuckle. “Not anymore it isn’t.” Then suddenly the ruby red flower started to sprout thorns from its stem and the deep red boiled and shuddered until it turned black. “Not if I say it isn’t.”

I watched with my eyes wide open as it started to make its way toward me.

“And you’ll do what I say, won’t you, girl?” it asked me in a vicious tone. The middle of the flower opened with a terrible ripping sound, revealing long, sharp pointy teeth. “Answer me, girl!” it hissed as it came closer to me.

I started to back away from it, still on my elbows as I hitched in breath to let out a scream. But I couldn’t. Nothing came out of my mouth.

“What do you think you’re trying to do? You want to scream? Did I give you permission to scream? Huh, girl? Tell me, answer me!”

Tears rolled down my cheeks as the scream that was building up inside of me burned. I clutched my throat and started to cough. There was a terrible, bitter taste in my mouth, and then there was blood. There was a lot of blood, and it was all coming out of my mouth.

I was still clutching my throat as my shoulders heaved, and I coughed up some more blood. Then I started to sob. I was sobbing, then coughing. Sobbing, coughing. Sobbing…blood…coughing…the edges of my vision were going black. I looked around me for someone…for something even, to maybe help me, but there was nothing. Even the mutated flower had disappeared. And then, finally, just as the bloody grass was fading into a dull gray, and the lush green trees around me were starting to disappear, the scream that was burning my throat shot out of me like a rocket launch. It was so loud and so raw that it burned my throat even more and I could feel my whole body just going numb because it was in so much pain, but, I didn’t care. I wanted to scream. I needed to scream. That’s all I had ever wanted, that’s all I had ever needed…and as my scream started to die out, I closed my eyes. I was lying on the grass now, in my own blood. There was so much I was almost swimming in it.

But still I smiled. Because I was free. I had been set free. I smiled through my pain; I smiled still as haziness took over my mind…as I slowly drifted into the unknown…as the pain slowly subsided and I felt nothing. I saw nothing. I heard nothing. There was nothing else in the world but me.

And then there was a hand. A hand that was covered in blood. It was reaching out for me. My mind struggled to understand what was going on, and then it did. I had to take it; all I had to do was take the hand. The bloody hand. And so I did. I reached out also, and the bloody hand gripped my hand with a reassuring firmness. Together at last.

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               Shoot daggers from your eyes,

let them pierce my heart.

Let me fall.

Let me crawl.

Let me depart.

               I see you near me,

I can smell your putrid stench.

So repugnant,

yet fragrant,

it leaves me broken and bent.

               I don’t know what do to,

you obscure my purpose.

I can’t see.

I’m not me.

I cannot resurface.

               Your words they cut through me,

they gnaw at my skin.

I’m burning,

my yearning,

for you is a sin.

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